he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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