My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
