That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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