thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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