You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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