Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
