Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
