let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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