I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
