So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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