i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
