I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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