I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
