Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
