it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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