she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I fill condoms, not promises.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
