i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
