Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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