How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
