I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Randomize
