I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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