yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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