the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
