i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
