Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
