Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
