So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Randomize
