So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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