we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
