i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
