Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
