i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i think im in europe. pls send help
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
