My liver just broke up with me...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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