I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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