it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
