Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
