you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think i scared a bird with my dick
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
