So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize