Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
