Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
