You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
