Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
