What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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