If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
