We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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