whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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