Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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