I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
