Say something about gay babies.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
