Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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