Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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