i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
