I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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