Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
