i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
