she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
