Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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