there was a trapeze. enough said
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
