so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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