...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm at about main and main street
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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