we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
