I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
