he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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