Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize