You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
