a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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