Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
