And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
